there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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