I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
