you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
