She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
