after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
