Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
