I'm eating all of the evidence.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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