filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
