My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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