Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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