Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
