Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
