What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
