please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
