Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
