i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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