He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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