Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
