kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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