party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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