Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
