We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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