Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
