My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
