you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
