I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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