It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
