i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.