It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs