Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed