when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?