What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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