just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
