WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
