i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
