Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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