my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
