A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
