u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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