i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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