my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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