We won't sleep together?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
