hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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