Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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