Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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