Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
