and you said cock pushups were impossible
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
