Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
