First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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