That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
