How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
