some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize