Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
