Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
