Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
