she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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