You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
