I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
