whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
