Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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