Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
