also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
