we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
